A long time ago in a life that seems very far from now, I heard a story about raising a special needs child. It told of planning a trip and learning a language, and getting all prepared to go to Italy… and then arriving and finding yourself in Holland. The writer wrote beautifully about how it was sad to not have made it where you were aiming to be… but also about the beauty of the place where you are. 

I learned that story as we were finding out diagnoses and realizing the realities of the life we would live as far as we could tell them to be at that time. And ever since then I have dreamed of going to Holland. Tulips have long been my favorite flower, and I have very much grown into a vibrant and colorful life as I have done the work to love myself and the world around me in healthier ways. 

On Wednesday night, I left home to make a last minute effort to get to my younger brother’s wedding. I kept wanting to just buy a ticket and go but I wasn’t sure until the very last minute whether I would be able to or not. So standby was the option. 

Just as it looked possible from a life view, flights started filling up and much was left very questionable. 

Leaving ICT, I barely made it to Dallas. The flight was full but someone didn’t show so they stuck me on. From there, I was struggling to get to the east coast. Flights direct to Paris (where the wedding is) were not happening on standby from DFW. At the absolute last moment, I realized that I could go west to get east… even if Mom has always said that was impossible. I jumped on a plane with plenty of room to Vegas, where I immediately landed and boarded a red eye to Philly. 

Just that much of the trip was an adventure. But it was simple. I knew the language. I had prepared for the time in airports and making connections. And from Philly, there was the possibility of a direct flight to Paris. 

So, I waited. 

About ten hours into my twelve hour stint in the airport there, it became apparent that it would take a miracle for me to get that flight. It was full. And oversold. And I was at the bottom of the list. So I looked and looked, spending multiple breaks from roaming the ENTIRE airport looking at where all I could fly direct to see if anything had actual room. Zurich, Madrid, Nice, Frankfurt, London… one by one, the flights filled and it looked hopeless. And plus, it was very unlikely that I would be able to successfully navigate getting on into Paris without languages or experience or any time to study up.

Several weeks ago when I figured out this might be possible, I had looked at Amsterdam, but it seemed so silly. Fly further to catch a train back to Paris?!? I barely had time to get to Paris, let alone add anything to the trip. And as much as I wanted to go to Holland, it would be like Italy for me. Foreign… unknown… scary. 

Wouldn’t you know it, though… that’s the flight that still had room. At the very last minute before it boarded, I transferred over to a flight from Philly to Amsterdam. And off I went. 

This morning, I find myself contemplating life on a train to Brussels… and ultimately Paris. I’ll get in this afternoon having gotten a whirlwind tour of places I have long dreamed of seeing. It wasn’t that difficult (na matter what Sean tells you 😘.)

I will make it in time to hug my younger brother and sister, to celebrate the last of our sibling weddings, and to take a deep breath in a place I never thought it would be possible to see in person before starting the long journey back. 

Never in my wildest dreams did I think this would really work. But it did. And, funny fact, even Holland isn’t as Holland as I might’ve imagined. 😂 Thankfully, I did manage to snag a couple clogs and spot an old school windmill amidst all the modern that exists here now. 

Life is so strange. I had no clue when I started that breaking cycles, finding balance, and living love out loud could make this much difference. But I’m a world away today, and also very much in love with life at home. I’m thankful for a job with a company that works to make a difference with people who believe in me. I’m thankful for friends and family holding down the fort at home. I’m thankful that I have made it to a point in life where both going and staying are such good options. 

And I’m beyond thankful to my younger brother for his hopelessly romantic streak without which this trip wouldn’t have happened. 🥰

Find your dream and live it friends. You only have one life… and it’s not too late to love it. 

After a tense night of travel, I’m letting every part of me relax intentionally as I travel. You can do it wherever you are, too. 

Drop your shoulders.

Lower your tongue from the roof of your mouth.

Relax your eyebrows.

Breathe deep.

Know you are loved… from all the way around the world. 💜💜💜